BECOMING RATIONAL

 Today my firstborn would be 40 years old! It would be a party with cake and hugs. But for just over 11 years we no longer have that joy. And to avoid spending the day sad, I decided to apply what I have read into practice. This longing that overwhelms me and steals my mind needed to be rationalized and so I did, with questions and answers to myself:

What is the worst thing that can happen to a mother?

The loss of a child. Prospect theory actually says that people hate and do everything to avoid losses (although they often fail). I'm part of the "angel mothers" group and one of the wisest of them @evelucia one day said something to me that made me think "there is something worse than losing a child: seeing a child suffer". In fact from an investor's perspective or in everyday life, losing really makes a lot of sense and as Daniel Kahaneman states "the intensity of the loss is twice as great as the intensity of the gain". I agree, but "mother" is a really different being. The loss is truly terrible, but seeing a child suffering I believe is even more terrible. Based on this, I thought: my son doesn't suffer, so it doesn't make sense for me to suffer for him. Furthermore, if I believe in God and eternal life, as I do, he is in eternal happiness, so besides not suffering he is happy.

But does God and eternal life really exist?

I believe it exists because to say it doesn't exist I would have to know all the mysteries of the universe. And as there are "mysteries" is because no one actually knows everything. So it's rational to believe and have faith that everything doesn't end here. Returning to the previous question, even if the worst thing that happens to a mother is the loss of a child, with faith in eternal life and reunion, there was in fact no definitive loss.

And as for my longing, what do I do with it?

Well, no one misses something bad, we only miss what is good because it had a positive impact and that is the case. Furthermore, having good memories is good and good for you. So transform this longing into gratitude for having had and lived.

And what do I do with the feeling of what could have been and wasn't?

Thoughts like "what if my son today had a family, children and was an well-known pianist?" Those thoughts don't make any sense because "what if" doesn't exist. I already had what really existed: A LOVING, INTELLIGENT SON, DEDICATED TO STUDY, LOVED BY EVERYONE, BEAUTIFUL AND EXTREMELY KIND. And I keep this forever in my memory and in my heart.